Journal
Monday,Jun 12 2006, 03:49:54 AM"I'm sorry hunny"
God I love my family. I couldn't be blessed with a better one. I'd like to take this time to focus on my wonderful grandparents. My grandmother is a retired teacher, she a beautiful woman inside and out. She's helped my parents out with many of predicaments as well as my own. I can talk to her about anything, and I mean ANYTHING and trust her with all information. Just the other day we talked about periods, I mean how many grandmothers out there can you talk so personally to? She's helped me financially with many of my endevors, for example my car. Not only did she help me out with the many times the fiero went into the shop, but she also paid my current car off so that I didn't have to deal with interest expenses. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have her in my life. My grandfather is just as wonderful. He's retired from the military, a very prideful man. His family is his life, espeically my grandmother, mom, and myself. He's done everything in his power to keep me happy and safe by not only serving to protect america, but by threatening any person that harms me a garunteed metal walking cane wrapped around their neck, and a few years ago he'd have easily done it too. Ever since I could remember he's saved every penny to help me in my college fund ensuring a good future. When my beloved parrot passed away he tried to help in the only way he knew how and that's by offering to buy me another bird the day after skipper passed away. Of course that was way to soon for me, but the gesture was more than appreciated. He's always so proud of every little accomplishment, wether it's A's on a report card, an art award, or he even made it seem that I saved his life one day when I was 7 and he fell on the carport, I rushed to bring him his walking cane so that he could get back up and he still proudly tells that story to the aides in the nursing home.
But time takes it's toll on even the greatest of people. It breaks my heart to have seen how ambitious my grandfather once was, how much energy he had, and how focused he was on every task, but in time it faded. His mind is still the same, even after a stroke he had years ago, but his body just can't keep up. The other day me and my grandparents went out to lunch at the Crackerbarrel, grandpa's favorite resteraunt, and he just couldn't eat. when he tries to hold a fork he has shaking spells where his hand just won't cooperate, sometimes he can't even hold his food down. And it embarrasses him so much that he can't control it. At the resteraunt he had alittle episode and he just couldn't eat, but he kept telling grandma "I'm sorry hunny, please go ahead and eat" "Please eat hunny". God I was about to loose it right there, I could see the pain in his eyes, that he wanted happiness for his family and he felt embarrassed that he couldn't live up to be what he once was. To make it worse, he constantly appologizes for what he can't help. And this great man is reduced to living in an old nursing home, this defendor of our country's freedom, this man of compassion for his family, this man so proud of the love he feels for us, has to sleep every night in a hospital bed surrounded by people already lost in their own minds who sadly roll around the area aimlessly. Oh the nurses are nice enough, but he deserves so much more. I just wish I knew what I know now, that I could hold such appreciation for this man when I was younger. I wish I could help him now like he helped me, but I'm useless. "I'm sorry hunny" echoes in my head, and no amount of don't-be-sorry's help ease his pain. I pray though, every single night for extra special care for him from God. I pray that he can one day see my wedding, see me in my wedding dress, see that I'm living every bit of the life he'd ever hope for me and be just as proud as the day he saw me take my very first steps. I wish he could be like he used to, to be able to live back in his own home, to be able to spend more than a few hours company with me without needing 20pills. I wish for him to be better, though age isn't a cureable disease.
I love my grandparents so much