NS5348's Journals
| ******************************************************************* 1) MR. BEAN SEES A DOCTOR : Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor. Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy) Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you? Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb? Doctor : Then why are you so happy? Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain! 2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: Teacher : What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean : 9 Teacher : What is 4 plus 5? Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!! 3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!! 4) AT AN ATM MACHINE: Friend : What are you looking at? Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)! 5) MARRIAGE: Friend : How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Friend : Why? Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse. 6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND: Friend : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok? Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend : What tape did you take anyway? Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner. 7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER: Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead. Friend : condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder Friend : what now? Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too! 8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING: Colleague : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure. Mr. Bean : That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs. 9) SPELLING LESSON: Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c? Mr. Bean : Make it three c to be sure! |
| my mom only had one eye... A very touching story...... pls read. if you have a heart you will repostresend this. my mom only had one eye. i hated her. she was such an embarressment. my mom ran a small shop at a flea market. she collected little weeds and such to sell. anything for the money we needed she was such an embarressment. there was this one day during elementary school. it was field day, and my mom came. i was so embarressed. how could she do this to me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out. the next day at school. "ur mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me. i wished that my mom would just dissappear from this world so i said to my mom, "mom. why dont you have the other eye?! if you're only gonna make me a laughingstock, why dont you just die?!" my mom did not respond. i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say all this time.. maybe it was because my mom hadnt punished me, but i didnt think that i had hurt her feelings very badly. that night. i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. i took a look at her, then turned away. because of the thing i had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. so i told myself that i would grow up and become successful. cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.. then i studied real hard. i left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence i had. then, i got married. i bought a house of my own. then i had kids, too. now i'm living happily as a successful man. i like it here because it's a place that doesnt remind me of my mom. this happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when.. what?! who's this?! ...it was my mother... ..still with her one eye.. it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. and i asked her, "who are you?!" "i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. i screamed at her," how dare you come to my house and scare my daughter!" "GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" and to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong address," and she dissappeared out of sight. thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me.. i was quite relieved. i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life. then a wave of relief came upon me... one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. so, lying to my wife that i was going on a business trip, i went. after the reunion, i went down to the old shack, that i used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground. but i did not shed a single tear. she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me. my son... i think my life has been long enough now.. and... i wont visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to come visit me once in a while? i miss you so much.. and i was so glad when i heard you were coming for the reunion. but i decided not to go to the school. ...for you... and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was an embarressment for you. you see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i couldnt stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so i gave you mine... i was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. i was never upset at you for anything you did.. the couple times that you were angry with me,.. i thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me..' my son... oh, my son.. |
| CLASSIC VERSION: If you love someone, set him free... If he comes back, he's yours. If he doesn't, it was never meant to be... NEW VERSIONS: Pessimist: If you love someone, set him free... If he ever comes back, he's yours. If he doesn't, as expected, he never was. Whatever gave you the idea that he would anyway? Optimist: If you love someone, set him free... Don't worry, he'll come back. Suspicious: If you love someone, set him free... If he ever comes back, ask him why. Impatient: If you love someone, set him free... If he doesn't come back within a week forget it. Statisticians: If you love someone, set him free... If he loves you, the probability of him coming back is high. If he doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway. Patient: If you love someone, set him free... If he doesn't come back, put your life on hold and sit and wait. Playful: If you love someone, set him free... If he comes back, and if you love him still, set him free again... repeat* |
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" ....................................................................................... God replied, I didn't recognize you." |
|
mEaNiNgFuL MEssAGe... |