Saturday,Oct 24 2009, 12:04:07 PMjokes

A Case For The FBI

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this FBI?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding something in his firewood.”

“This will be noted.”

Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find nothing suspicious, swear at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom’s house. “Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?” “Yeah!” “Did they chop your firewood?” “Yeah they did.” “Okay, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

A Talking Christmas Present

As an early Christmas present, a man gets a talking parrot from his friend. He takes the parrot home and puts it in his living room.

But every time the man goes near the living room, he hears the parrot shouting insults at him. In desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer.

After a few minutes, the insults stop. Thinking he might have killed the parrot, he takes it out of the freezer. The parrot is still alive, but it is shivering.

It stammers, “I’m s-sorry for b-b-being s-so rude. P-p-please forgive m-me.”

So the man forgives him. After a while the parrot asks, “What exactly did the turkey do?”

Thanksgiving Break Up

A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day.

The father says to the son, “I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce. I’ve had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I’m telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn’t go into shock later when I move out.”

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news.

The sister says, “I’ll handle this.”

She calls Florida and says to her father, “Don’t do ANYTHING till we get there! We’ll be there Wednesday night.”

The father agrees, “All right.”

The old man hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?”

Thanksgiving Break Up

A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day.

The father says to the son, “I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce. I’ve had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I’m telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn’t go into shock later when I move out.”

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news.

The sister says, “I’ll handle this.”

She calls Florida and says to her father, “Don’t do ANYTHING till we get there! We’ll be there Wednesday night.”

The father agrees, “All right.”

The old man hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?”