These days, I feel so awkward in all my classes. I never speak, or hardly for that matter. I don't socialize, mingle or even bother to, "expose," my flag to everyone else. I don't know why - but I think this is the cause of why I often flunk on some of my tests, and major exams in high school - because High School demands social intermingling, and failure to do so, especially in the sciences - biology, physics, or chemistry could lead you into deep shit especially if you don't ask the teacher questions often, and try to be friendly with them. This sucks, but really, what could I do now? I have buried by feelings, thoughts, and hegenostic ideas from the world for too long. I have, in essence, died as a ghost before I could even value all the rest of society - it is like I don't trust society for what it is - I am skeptical, cynical, and doubtful of its abilities. Sure, society is the road to success, university, and all that - but the price is ultimate conformity. I just don't seem to be able to adapt well with society. I don't conform in art - that is why I never take it. I have my own style of art, individual expression - call it Xinyuism. However, the larger culture would never accept my individual effort, and thoughts because they fear it, hate it, and are cowardly in believing their own folly.

Oh well - now that the source of anti-socialism has been pin-pointed, what could I do? What should I do? What would I have done if I have taken this matter seriously? Shit - welcome to my life honey bunch - it is neither the first war nor the last. This war, however is now a fight against myself, not against the rest of humanity. While humanity, society, and high culture has become my rival, I am not defeated yet. I shall triumph eventually.

Whatever it takes, Dark Lord.