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lordx101's Homepage http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101 Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:55 EDT Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:55 EDT Zorpia.com Long Time no Update http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1637753 This has been the longest since I last updated, but oh well...life is life... Exams are coming up, and as such, I am contemplating on how to study for it...still got some more chemistry homework to take care of... Some world history, some world religions, and some physics... Look forward to the end of this semester...then get to hang out with friends! Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1637753 Tue, 23 Jan 2007 15:31 EDT The First Revolution http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1620770 It has been a very, very long time since I last updated - so, now is the time to spread out the latest in personal propaganda: I must say, that I am grateful that I know heresy for what it truly is, for it have led me onto great personal inner journeys of the mind - but it would have been impossible to accomplish if I had not known Lady... I must also say that a new order has risen out of the ashes of thought revolution...that revolution is the purpose for self-dictatorship. I do not create a problem to remove a dictatorship, I install the dictatorship by creating problems. I do not overthrow dictators, I watch them ossify and grow soft by themselves. Power is both the means and the ends of society - and I will not stop to gain power until all the rules of engagement in warfare has been broken. Propaganda is to a democracy what pogroms are to a dictatorship. I have my own brand of political methodology: meta-politik. This is a combination of realpolitik and idealpolitik. The end justify the means. The means justifies the end. Individuality and liberty over nationalism and collectivism is the key, but so is the opposite.  I hope you all enjoyed my radical sentiment for the day...   Yours, Xinyu Hu Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1620770 Sun, 03 Dec 2006 12:30 EDT McMaster: A Possibility http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1617792 Today I went to McMaster for a campus tour visit for something like two hoursâ€¦the visit was pretty okay actually. I got to see a variety of buildings: the psychology building, the biology one building, physics, and this huge lecture room on campus. Thank goodness todayâ€™s visit was by a small group of people so that was no problemâ€¦the more sociable people get to talk, and since I am pretty nervous, shy, and if you will â€“ unwilling to speak, I let them to the asking and the questioning for meâ€¦it saves me all the effort of stuttering, blah, blahâ€¦ Besides, I sometimes really do get annoyed in front of strangers, foreigners, and aliens â€“ I am not very used the social world, so I get others to do me indirect favors, it makes socialism a lot easier, and I donâ€™t have to be part of the party (no pun : ) intended)â€¦ I know this sucks a bit for me, but when I could ask questions, somehow the questions just never get formed properly in my mind, so I never know what I donâ€™t knowâ€¦so I just follow along, and listen carefully while other people ask questions â€“ it might relate to mine, so I hardly askâ€¦or for that matter â€“ I try to solve the problem by myself. It is a bit crappy in some extents, but really what could I do about it? My mind is one big chaos sometimes, so I need to get it organized by doing activities that actually requires organization so that my mind, brain or whatever you want to call it â€“ does what it is suppose to do without much troubleâ€¦while I do question things a lot in my own mind, I hardly ever speak up. I should seriously learn to speak out every single thing that I hate about the world, myself, and just about anything that bothers meâ€¦. Interestingly enough, this relates to my current status in World History seminar sessions â€“ I need to learn to fuck the crap out of this word by ignoring the opinions of others, and using the synthesis of different opinions to state a perspective that way out there, but is of vital useâ€¦marks. Lord X definitely needs to speak out his voice, and declare his voice over others â€“ whether masters or slaves, leaders or followers, young or oldâ€¦ <hr /> <div style="BORDER-RIGHT: medium none; PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; BORDER-TOP: medium none; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1pt; BORDER-LEFT: medium none; PADDING-TOP: 0cm; BORDER-BOTTOM: windowtext 1pt solid">I know that it has been a rather long time since I last updated, so I have decided that may be I should update this blog of mine more often, since it does make sense that I need to speak out my voice more often, and using weblogs are the best way of doing it â€“ disregard the so-called, â€œstatus quo,â€ create whatever situation that is necessary for my benefit and the good of the Elite. To me â€“ public opinion is of no importance, and voice or no voice, they could always be manipulated. Of course, only a few peopleâ€™s thoughts matter to me â€“ the intellectuals, the intelligent, and the intuitive â€“ those people who are the best and the greatest in their psychological-emotional intuition fascinate me and abound meâ€¦I love to find more intellectuals, and completely disregard the ignorant, and sway those people into whatever direction I want. Propaganda is that art â€“ all weblogs are propaganda even when they fight against propaganda, because always â€“ for so long as there are thoughts, words, and ideas people would always try to convince one another this or that theory is or isnâ€™t true. That is power â€“ power over opinion, intellect, and the overall IQ of the population. The way to power is simple; the way to maintain power is just as simple â€“ propaganda, psychological warfare, pogroms against the minds of the weak and the feeble. The arrogant must be more arrogant, the foolish must be more foolish, the stubborn must be more stubborn; all the while â€“ the wise are becoming wiser. The intellectual demands a rich supply of the ignorant, while the ignorant have a poor demand of only few intellectuals â€“ always an advantage. </div> While I know that I have not updated very often on Zorpia, the time has now come to make this site a legend â€“ a machine that spews out all thoughts regardless of what others think, and of indifference to the demands of the masses â€“ how much of a blessing is it for the intellect that the ignorant could always be swayed according to whatever petty little ideology that they want. Hope you all had fun seeing the rise of the New Age Propagandaâ€¦     Xinyu Hu Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1617792 Sat, 25 Nov 2006 20:15 EDT University: By Conquest or By Consent http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1611667 The life that I usually consider real does not exist in this world. I knew that ever since I read the philosophy of the Matrix, and discovered - perhaps by accident or the graceful luck of God and my personal Jesus Christ - that reality is not what it really is. There are those who go in the guise of doves, but are really ravens inside. Today, we see those sore losers everywhere (or, almost everywhere) - the Jehovah Witnesses, the Mormons, the Scientologists, the Evangelicals, and the Roman Catholics - a few Protestant churches may be, but not very likely. Together, all these sects that I have mentioned, with the exception of the Protestants - the rest are all either on the line between cults, or secret orders, or are fully evil and twisted within. The Catholic Church is the most elaborate example of a religion that is heavily controlled by a group of invisible masters - call them the Free Masons - guided by the Black Hand of the Jesuits, the Opus Dei, the Knights Templar, and the Propaganda Due Freemasons in Italy - at the Vatican Bank. The world is a very dangerous place, there are conspiracies, secrets, and underlying motives everywhere - some for good, others are sinister in design. Hence, for me, to even reveal too much of myself to the general public is not safe - but on Zorpia - I don't care since only pretty much random people read it, so I don't give a shit. Zorpia, and online journals - blogs, are. for me - my ministry of propaganda, public enlightenment, and public exodus. It is a means to liberty, and expressing some my most crucial theories before the dawning of the New Age World Order. This is my only chance of revealing the hidden, esoteric secrets of the Sith that rules the planet, and the universe - Lucifer, the Bearer of Light is really the Heart of Darkness. Welcome to the Real World - would you like to eat the Forbidden Apple, a.k.a take the Red Pill?   Yours, for people, by people, am people   Xinyu Hu p.s. knowledge is power - conquer, consent, coerce. Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1611667 Fri, 10 Nov 2006 16:57 EDT A Voice lost in a sea of Others... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1611289 These days, I feel so awkward in all my classes. I never speak, or hardly for that matter. I don't socialize, mingle or even bother to, "expose," my flag to everyone else. I don't know why - but I think this is the cause of why I often flunk on some of my tests, and major exams in high school - because High School demands social intermingling, and failure to do so, especially in the sciences - biology, physics, or chemistry could lead you into deep shit especially if you don't ask the teacher questions often, and try to be friendly with them. This sucks, but really, what could I do now? I have buried by feelings, thoughts, and hegenostic ideas from the world for too long. I have, in essence, died as a ghost before I could even value all the rest of society - it is like I don't trust society for what it is - I am skeptical, cynical, and doubtful of its abilities. Sure, society is the road to success, university, and all that - but the price is ultimate conformity. I just don't seem to be able to adapt well with society. I don't conform in art - that is why I never take it. I have my own style of art, individual expression - call it Xinyuism. However, the larger culture would never accept my individual effort, and thoughts because they fear it, hate it, and are cowardly in believing their own folly. Oh well - now that the source of anti-socialism has been pin-pointed, what could I do? What should I do? What would I have done if I have taken this matter seriously? Shit - welcome to my life honey bunch - it is neither the first war nor the last. This war, however is now a fight against myself, not against the rest of humanity. While humanity, society, and high culture has become my rival, I am not defeated yet. I shall triumph eventually. Whatever it takes, Dark Lord.     Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1611289 Thu, 09 Nov 2006 20:13 EDT Collective Individualism, Individual Collectivism http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1609126 These days are very much more relaxing. I am currently working on my history projects - essay and seminar preparation - all alone, going solo. It is pretty amazing how much I have. Oh well, whatever it takes, I got to do it. Don't worry Lady of Flowers - Anthia - I'll reassure you whenever you need it that what you did three days ago was the right thing to do. Anyhow, I would not give myself any credit for what happened in those intense days of nervousness, anxiety, and general lack of security, nevermind happiness - it was a fucking war alright... Today, things are so much more serene, anything is possible, freedom has been achieved, liberation has been fulfilled, and the end of perpetual war brings great enlightenment to this new era of collectivism and individualism. At last - school is my main focus, and pretty much school is the only thing that is of any major importance next to my friends - both are equal in status, but if I don't make it to university, nevermind these few days - then my life would be fucked. I hope you are all doing okay - Anthia, Gabriel, Lawson, Gong - although some of you people don't know about my blog, but that is okay. Finally, ending on a more hopeful note: with much love, honor, duty, and loyalty to all...     Xinyu Hu               Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1609126 Sat, 04 Nov 2006 12:54 EDT The New Order of the Ages http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1607613 The time for university applications has begun, so I better take this matter seriously, but first - some random thoughts for thought: - it is important to be an individual, to say to the crowd - forget it, I am going my way whether you like ir or not. - liberalism is key, because without it, we'd all be like fucking robots. - it is okay to break a few promises here and there, only small ones though that won't effect everything in the long run. - nobody is telling you, "you have to," - you either choose to, or you don't. - nobody is forced into being friends with someone, if you want to, then just do it, if not, screw the other person, too bad so sad for them - be like the freaking tragically hip - be hip and forget about it... - karma is not important - what is important is the fact that you make up your mind - sometimes, one or the other, not both - but there are exceptions to this case - take both, and go on if you have to. - when dealing with someone you don't really like (or is just plain disgusting): tell them how great they are, forget about the reality of how you really feel or think towards them.. - fuck the fucking Mormons, Scientologists, and Jehovah Witnesses - you are all losers - go to hell where you belong...and leave me and the elite alone (I say this because they are trace their original root to Freemasonry - the occult of the devil, Lucifer, the bearer of light, the deceiver of all humanity). - propaganda should be more properly be defined as the art of subduing your consciousness into the minds of other people.       Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1607613 Wed, 01 Nov 2006 13:11 EDT Strange Dreams... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1606877 Last night I had one of the strangest dreams ever...it involves this girl...(not a surprise - its the same one all the time) - anyways, to make this short and sweet (like the dream is) - I am going to have to say things as they did occur... or at least the way that I remember them the most... Anyways...I was walking to meet up this girl, and we happen to be very, "familiar," with each other, so I decided, "Yeah, sure, might as well see what is going on..." So, I was walking along, and then I met her. I don't know why, or how it happened all that quickly like the freaking speed of light, but she freaking hugged me, and kissed me...sound sappy? Don't ask further questions, but that is the way the dream occurred, and for some odd reason or another me (or the person that I was) - hugged and kissed her back, and the odd couple started...you know what I mean...its a very emotional type of dream. I see these dreams at least one a month, or to be more accurate - once a week. I wonder what the heck it could possibly mean...the woman is always the same, no change whatsoever, except the situation...   Hope you all have fun deciphering this one...     Xinyu Hu     Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1606877 Mon, 30 Oct 2006 17:58 EDT Writings to Come... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1606331 After a long, hectic week end, and week, I have become quite independent...well, kind of... Anyways, these days, not much is going on, except for the usual study, and the typical group of people coming over to my house in order to finish a project. But that, is still not the point...the point is...I am writing a new story these days...and I am not planning to make them involve real life people...that is a no, no, especially in stories dealing with armies of different political psychology fighting one another in the world of the future. I don't need a self-fulfilling prophecy, thank you very much...(although I did once, but that was an accident - a couple years ago actually...). So, what are my stories are going to be about? Simple - war, war, war, and more war. Yip, that is the world of the Dark Lord (only the Dark Lord), so, it is not a surprise, then, that war should be predominant theme. Hence, in order to keep everyone in some state of mental awareness of what the war would be about - it is about how the Allies and the Soviets war of the world eventually lead to the formation of several, "Synthesis," organizations, armies, and new political fronts - all seeking to dominate the world. That is the goal of my story - to entertain, to teach, but above all - to educate the ignorant masses into KNOWING something, anything other than what kind of shitty XBOX 360, PSIII, or Game Cube Advanced, and PSP crap - to get away from the media, and to start thinking for themselves (may imply selfishness, but it is not meant that one). As a freethinker myself, I find it crucial to get to the bottom of the state of the world - that it is always based on the same political philosophy in every nation, culture, or even social group - the High, the Middle, and the Low. The secrets of power lies in keeping an ignorant population, and also to emphasize the power and strength of the Hegelian dialect. This is only the beginning. If anyone wants to see my story when it is published, I'll announce on my Zorpia, and home Xanga site. For now, ladies and gentlemen - love you all, and waiting for the rise of the new Empire-Republic coalition Universal Alliance.   Yours, with best dreams and wishes       Xinyu Hu         Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1606331 Sun, 29 Oct 2006 20:30 EDT A New Hope... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1605232 Nearly a week has passed since my biggest sin of the year...I'll have to repent, and redeem myself from the evil and the anger that consumed me...it was all my fault. I mean, those thoughts were getting to me - they needed to be neutralized - hence, the result is a twisted logic, corrupted reasoning, and a nearly-defeated self (and society, if you even consider that to be part of the, "Self."). So, let me know what I have done wrong, when I knew this all along, go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you...ah, the words of the All-American Rejects - my favourite bands. I just hope I am not so rejected, or at least, hated by my really good friend...stupid Asperger's - the blessing and the curse to my life - the true hope and the false hope to what I have done. Of course, I could repent, and play this game out nice...but is it really worth it? Of course it is...but it would also be embarrassing. However, after talking to my second really good friend, Gabriel tonight, much of my old hatred, anger, and rage has subsided - all I needed was someone else to talk to (not my really good friend, only because...) At last - I am satisfied with your behavior tonight. You responded thoroughly and clearly to my ideas, and at last - no more silent treatments! Yeah, but I would not be too confident, just confident in maintaining this friendship. Let us just let go of the past, and go on with the present and the future. I think we have settled away the issues of the past...naturally, rather, thank goodness. Thanks to talking to you, I am now, at last, able to see that there is indeed a subtle hope in this End Game - me and that, other...person...Lessard, I believe? Whatever - I could do something else other than needing to embarrass the fuck out myself - just be, "nice," "good," and, "humble," to everyone else...and if they reject it, I don't give a shit...sure, I may be bad sometimes, but being bad does not mean that I could not get back to being selfless, caring, loving, and nurturing (as that is the natural me, the unnatural version is too ugly - I am sure you all have seen how far I gone into hating someone, or even loving someone)...I am sooooooo extreme. Thank goodness there is hope...no matter, I could pay my soul-debt of hatred, rejection, and feudal warfare simply by praying to God that I would rather go to hell for what I have done (as if I am not there already, hahaha...)...and being, "kind, friendly, neutral, mutual, and serving to others," but not to radical extremes, of course...being ultra sucks...) Hence, after at least three resistances, revolutions, and evolutions deep within the fire of my soul (mostly in a state of war, but willing to go to peace at a price...), I have decided upon the following: - Whatever I have done, I done already, so there is no turning back - but there are essential loopholes to get through... - Reorganize the Empire and the Republic into the Imperial Republic, or the Republican Empire - a combination of constant conquest but also negotiations... - Get myself as many real-life distractions as possible so that I don't ever have to give a shit about the things that bother me the most (and harm me and everyone else the most)...not worth the effort, nor the bitter hatred (although at the time, they appeared appealing, almost seductive) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hence, everyone, the Third Order has been completed. It would begin in 33 hours from now; but during that time, it would be implemented...spiritually, naturally, and without harm...yip, time to pay my eternal debt with my fucking soul...greetings hell...nice to meet you... Yours, humbly, and in redemption....       Xinyu Hu       p.s. "Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, they just blow it up." p.p.s. "Q: If George W. Bush were to be a rat, what would he do? A: He wouldn't know he is a rat, he's too stupid..." p.p.p.s. "Q: What is public opinion? A: When the people has nothing to say, you say it for them."       Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1605232 Fri, 27 Oct 2006 21:52 EDT Memories... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1604162 On this day, one year ago, back when in Grade 11 - what you thought could be the worst sometimes doesn't necassarily turn out to be, "the worst." Ironic, perhaps, but today, one year later - what you once thought, is the total opposite. This means, that today - instead of living an ordinary, peaceful, loving life - there is the seed of old feuds, hatred, and anger...whereas last year on this date - it was not really of anger, hatred, or rage - but modesty, perhaps even happiness. Alas, those days are gone. What happened one year ago is deemed to repeat itself...so, this is history, eh? History repeating itself, constantly, without end, but not without a purpose. It is that purpose that I must know. Fortunately, perhaps unfortunately - when the past comes back to haunt you, scare you, I say, "Fuck your government, your democracy, your constitution, your bill of rights, because I am going to fucking scare the hell out of the world," -- I did that, yesterday. Gosh, you see how silly, ironic, perhaps even dramatic life becomes when you see it from a soldier's point of view? Welcome to the real world, kiddo - I'd much rather smuggle cocaine for the CIA than doing stupid, 180 degree turns with people in terms of friendships, and whatnot. Oh well, what I did, I did it already, so, there is no turning back. If you were to ask me if I ever want to turn back and say, "I am sorry, forgive my sorry ass," I'd say,"NO," there is better adventures and missions ahead. Sure, the past repeats itself - but not always in the same pattern - it is just how you deal with it - that is my problem. The way I deal with people is so elusive, dangerous, and fatal that pretty much everyone is surprised at my rationale for making up the world's most stupid decisions...like the time when I didn't open the door for one of my friends...hahaha, stupid Xinyu... I did too many stupid things this year already - let's count - being suspicious of everyone, locking out my friend from getting into my house, and three - what I did yesterday. Now, whoever said life isn't fair is absolutely fair in saying it - because guess what? I don't expect fairness, equality, and equity to be suddenly established on this planet by some damn saviour of the world - because I know, that those ideas are too idealistic - the world is too rooted in itself to even give a shit about racial, gender, sexual equality - although I do...but that is another story in itself which I don't need to rant about... Now...what happened three days before, last year? Oh yes - that email - I remember it when you sent it to me. Oooooh, scary, scary times back then. I was such a fool long ago, but now that I look back - I saw my vices, and my personal faults at what led to the downfall of our friendship back when in Grade 10...so traumatic an event - I never really got over it - it is the source of my greatest strength and my greatest weakness...or, at least, was...but probably still is, no, it still is... I suppose now that the one year anniversary of us getting back together in the library, "remembrance," has been, "remembered," "contemplated," and, "valued," it is time to move on with the present so that I may make the future - the perfect future - not a utopian future, but enough of a utopian future where everyone would be, "happy." My destiny lies in my own hands - never in the hands of the vile past...but it is that same vile past that give a new hope for the future...I'd just leave fate for the majority to take care of - I am The Minority Report...   Yours, in remembrance of the past - a distant friend, but not so distant   Xinyu Hu p.s. "I dare you to skull fuck me. I am the better fucking skull fucker." p.p.s. "When you think the world is against you - there is at least one person, or at least enough people to realize that it is not always you - its just who you are." p.p.p.s. "I love conventional and unconventional means and ends of obtaining what I want - that way - life could be a bit spicy..."     Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1604162 Tue, 24 Oct 2006 22:53 EDT The 23 Enigma and the Mystery of the 33 http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1603762 These days - there is only one way to sum up everything I've done wrong, right, or just don't know - 66% on my latest physics test - that is, 33/50, not good, I know, but is a subliminal message from somewhere to me...or at least to my god-forsaken soul, that has been pretty much cursed on this day...which means...you got to wonder? Is brute force, absolutism, doublethink, esponage, warfare, distrust, and fear the way  to go to achieve what you desire most? According to my moral inside - NO. However, sadly, tragically, with a taste of remorse, anger, and frustration, arrogance, bitterness, and pity - that is hardly the case for my mind. While my heart may feel guilty, and misleading the mind - the mind has, in essence - conquered my entire being - I still have heart - that ancient heart that seemed to have been burnt away into ashes...but there may still good, forgiveness, love to my old enemies, forgiveness, and understanding. I have either totally lost my innocence these past few days, or the dark side has gotten me in its tight grip of the lust for power. Power? But power for what? Understanding? Love? Anything worth fighting for, dying for, sacrificing your damn soul for? Of course there is - always. But power? I don't know. Anyhow, before I go on with this spiel for ever - I must summarize the tragedy and hope of the 23 Enigma: - Mrs. MacDonald's death in a boating accident this week end - which was announced today - on the 23rd day of the 10th month of the year... - Me, doing the most horrendous, vile thing there ever could be done to a person - dumping them for ever, rejecting them, their efforts, their opinions, their thoughts, feelings, and ultimate existence - fuck this, I am going to hell... - At last - my arrogance, anger, and agitation is at its peak - victory is defeat, only through defeat could I gain victory...DEFEAT...fuck VICTORY... Now, concerning 33: - Yesterday's atmospheric pressure - 100.33 kPa down, on 10/22 - 22 and 33 are multiples of 11 - my physics class has 33 students - my world religion's class has 32 students - but with Roger - it equals 33 - there are 33 pages of research notes for my Freemason essay for world history - Freemasonry has 33 degrees of initiation, both visible and invisible - there are currently, and always will be 33 personal profile pictures for display on my Zorpia... - there will be 33 days of regretting what I have done today - then afterwards - MOVE ON with my fucking life... - after every 33 collection of Zorpia journals - it is vital to stop writing for 33 days...(my personal favourite ritual of a sort to increase my, "writing power."), that is, only on Zorpia - so instead, everyone might have to see my Xanga instead... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yours, tragedy and hope     Xinyu Hu ps. Xinyu - may be there is a time when you go to hell, and you'll have to face your old enemies once again, what will you do? I say - let them come. pps. Lord X, you are fucked. ppps. For every action, there is an opposite and equal in magnitude disaster that is just as merciless, brutal, extreme, and bitter - just wait until fucking Karma comes out to face you - my response: If they come, let them come.     Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1603762 Mon, 23 Oct 2006 21:47 EDT Good Luck is Bad Luck in Disguise... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1600709 These days, no matter what happens, I know that everything would eventually turn out to be the best. Trust me, as an optimist, and idealist - I now know when how far is too far with this idealistic crap. Don't worry, Dark Lord, everything would work out the way that providence and, "divine intervention," has planned long before that you were born - you just have to go through it all. Don't worry, Lady...I'll get over our differences of opinion over this silly, rather trivia matter. I suppose yesterday's emotional,"breakdown," was due to my inner,"insecurities," "paranoia," "doubt," and,"fear of conspiracies." Oh well - my lack of faith for the other 99.999999% of the world is gonnna get me killed one day...but that is not my problem. If the world wants to slaughter me into a million pieces, let them - my martyrdom would spark psychological warfare in every corner of the Four Corners of creation. That - is the spirit of rebellion. So, what is the plan for today - finish world history phase two of the darn project, review world religions, preview and catch up on chemistry and physics. Yeah, this is gonna be one bloody conflict, but really - I am gonna win in this war one way or another. This is my life, and I ain't gonna let fate decide everything for me. I am the Sith Lord - the One and Only Sith Lord, 33rd degree Trison of the Trinity Society. Only those in the highest ranks of the Party are 33rd degree Trisons. Fortunately - because of this, a sense of rivalry, competition, and revelry runs deep below the Inner Party. Whatever - the Middle and Outer Party are allowed to get into that state because that is there nature - but never, are they to take over the High. Ignorance is Strength. Ignorance is Intellect. War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery.   Yours, in the attitude of war     Xinyu Hu     Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1600709 Sun, 15 Oct 2006 14:51 EDT Speechless http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1600381 I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head I have to block out thoughts of you so I donâ€™t lose my head They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that Iâ€™m alone Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again? And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face? And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me so you can finally see whatâ€™s good for you Iâ€™m sober now for 3 whole months itâ€™s one accomplishment that you helped me with The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I wonâ€™t touch again In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take So Iâ€™ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didnâ€™t do for you Hate me in ways Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see whatâ€™s good for you And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made And like a baby boy I never was a man Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand And then I fell down yelling â€œmake it go away!â€ Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be And then she whispered â€œHow can you do this to me?â€ Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didnâ€™t do for you Hate me in ways Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see whatâ€™s good for you --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yours, all I can do...is to be far away...     Xinyu Hu Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1600381 Sat, 14 Oct 2006 17:42 EDT The Days of War... http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1598454 These days have been frustrating for me...there is so much homework...World History especially. I still haven't finished Phase I where I have to do some bibliography for the sources that I have used to do my research essay - about Freemasonry...you'll see some of their symbols in my profile pictures...really sick... Anyhow...school is really boring most of the time...although the education is good... I don't have much to say today except that I really got get into university, get my ass out of this boring high school (although there were more good memories than bad, still)...I admit â€“ a part of me may even miss this old high school of mine â€“ but seriously â€“ fuck off. In university I could finally forge up my own little private empire, carve out a sphere of psych-politic-philosophical influence, and change the world for the better. I just hope that this year of suffering would be well worth it because it sure does take a long, long time to get everything done all at once. It sucks now that I canâ€™t hang out with my friend, but truly â€“ the ultimate prize in the end of trek is worth it. There wonâ€™t be any turning back, regrets, or whatnot, because life is war, and it is this chess game that I am playing that is forever decisive every moment of every day. My objective: To accomplish my dire mission of getting out of here, and unbalancing my usually balanced schedule, and all my dreams would ultimately come true in the end. I have been having weird dreams recently for the past few months ever since the pre-summer days. Now, those dreams are just too weird for me talk about here, theyâ€™re way tooo sensitive intelligence. But, either way, they will come true. I have foreseen it. Awkward, but I know exactly what they are talking about...I just have to fulfill that objective in this specified time line... Second thing - I don't need to explain whatever happened yesterday at my front door while I was under siege. I hate the feeling of being under siege, seriously, why did you waste an hour of my life anyways? You should be able to get it by now. If I already told you 66.66666666667 percent of everything in my life, the other 33.333333333334 percent should not be so difficult to get...also, why is it that you still donâ€™t understand that if you do not think for yourself, others with more power will think for you? In life, what humans must realize is that it is those who have power, intellectual wealth, intuition, intelligence, and implementation of their own policies that have power over others. How much of a blessing it is for leaders that their followers do not think. If you do not think, then Iâ€™ll think for you. If you do not choose, Iâ€™ll choose for you. If you do not express your thoughts and feelings, Iâ€™ll express them for you. If you do not know yourself, Iâ€™ll know you for you. If you do not use common sense, then Iâ€™ll use common sense for you. If you do not control your destiny, your destiny is mine to control. If you do not control your own life, then I control your life. If you are controllable, then I could coerce you, if I could coerce you, youâ€™ll consent to my orders â€“ the New Order of the Trinity Society that is â€“ with or without you, life has always been the same. You make no difference to my life whatsoever because you have been unable to make a difference to your own life to begin with. Third - honestly - people START THINKING FOR YOURSELF. I am not saying be selfish, but use common sense; do not reject the obvious truth. In a nutshell: whoever does not think for themselves, I'll think for them. Voice or no voice, the masses could always be bought about to do their master's bidding â€“ Joseph Goebel, Hitlerâ€™s Nazi Minister of Propaganda and Public Enlightenment. We all know what that means...it is always the leaders who shall gain power over his or her followers.       Yours, in order out of oblivion   Xinyu Hu   P.S. Seeing that we are both busy as hell these daysâ€¦is it ever possible to find balance? I donâ€™t knowâ€¦I only wish there is a possible solution â€“ strange education that enslaves people literallyâ€¦   Personal http://search.zorpia.com/lordx101/journal/1598454 Mon, 09 Oct 2006 12:53 EDT